Cassandra Webb is a New York metropolis paramedic who begins to demonstrate signs of clairvoyance. Forced to challenge revelations about her former, she needs to safeguard three young women from a deadly adversary who wants them destroyed.
I’m gonna be honest with you. This was worse than Morbius. With Morbius I can kind of say it is a guilty pleasure for me. This one? Nope. This might be Sony’s worst Spider-Man spin-off movie. Be inspired, people! Madame Web got made. I’m reviewing Madame Web. If you have an idea for a movie, it’s probably better than Madame Web. Go out there, pitch your ideas…
Even though I hated this movie, I’m still gonna be respectful and not talk spoilers. Some people still might want to watch this. I recommend being a little under the influence of something with a group of friends and therefore incapable of making good decisions. I think those are the perfect viewing conditions for this one. This movie wasn’t a total disaster. But there’s also nothing I can recommend to you about it either. Madame Web’s backstory is kind of ok and I have a bit of a crush on Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced and Celeste O’Connor, but, that’s all I can say about the positives.
The action, the camerawork, the editing, the effects are all terrible. So many quick cuts, zooms and unnecessary speed-ups. It was like watching Liam Neeson jumping over a fence in Taken 3 all over again. It took so much will power in me to not walk out and go home after the first scene. The action scenes aren’t even investing, since nothing ever happens to the main characters. And if something bad does happen to them, Madame Web just has the retry button in her head. I swear to you, this movie felt like a video game. Add the terrible CGI and you got yourself an actual video game. I didn’t like the performances as well. Everyone looked like they didn’t want to be there. Or they were in a green-screen room and didn’t know how to act or how to say the terribly written lines. It kind of felt like the Star Wars prequel trilogy, like, seriously, it was that bad. But probably my biggest issue with the movie was the villain. He looked and sounded like he was pulled straight from a video game. You know what, I’m 100% convinced that making a video game was always part of the plan and then at some point they decided it should be a movie.
Super minor and unimportant spoiler. Madame Web falls into a river, drowns and starts having visions of things that will happen in the movie. Among those visions was a big red neon S sign. I thought to myself: ”I hope it doesn’t stand for shit (spoiler alert, it did)!” 🤣
Does this movie have a post-credit scene? I’ll be honest, I didn’t care enough to stick around. As soon as the credits started, I ran out of there. Also, the movie ends in the most terrifying way possible. It makes you excited or at least tries to make you excited for a sequel. Please let this movie fail, I’m begging you. This will mean they’ll cancel the sequel and I won’t have to watch it!!! 😁
I’m gonna be very generous and give this movie 4/10*! Look, if you really wanna watch it, wait for it for home release. I recommend you don’t be an idiot like me seeing this one in theatres 🙂
Director: S.J. Clarkson
Written by: Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless, Claire Parker, S.J. Clarkson, Kerem Sanga
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Celeste O’Connor, Isabela Merced, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts, Adam Scott, Zosia Mamet
Runtime: 117 minutes
